What can one do... my suggestions

In spite of knowing the biased nature of our society, most of us, including me do not and would not like to openly voice for the cause of a girl child. Nobody wants to bring up such things and cause emotional disturbance, inconvenience, embarrassment or face protest. It is difficult to do so as one has to live in this same society even after raising one's voice. But having said this, there are little areas where we can go off the track and thus set examples in the society. Like for instance, I have a friend who belongs to an orthodox community. In her community, people don't send their daughters for higher education and their family women follow purdah system. But kudos to her father, he not only dared to educate his daughter but also let her live a life free from veil. She holds a reputable position in a Government Department today. I had no idea of her background when i first met her, she is so smart and confident, I always admired her for her straightforward personality. My jaws dropped in disbelief when she told me about her family for the first time. She tells me that her cousins too are now being sent for higher education and she is admired amongst her relatives for her achievements. I don't know what prompted her father to break the convention but his decision has created an exception in his community, an exception which initiated a change.

This society is made up of us only.We as individuals form the smallest unit of the society. A small change brought about by our efforts could go a long way. It is therefore important NOT to to be led by group or mob behaviour. I know that if consulted individually, each one of us would acknowledge the existence of discrimination in every walk of life, but in groups we tend to conform to common beliefs, rituals, customs and ceremonies. Just being aware of the problems is half the battle won. We could casually question the basis of a biased belief/ ritual/ custom/ ceremony, thereby making those who advocate it realise

The reasons...

What does having a daughter in a country like India mean? Lets begin with the commonly accepted image of a woman. We all tend to glorify women who sacrifice, who abide to traditions and dress codes, who are restrained, never dare to question the customs, never opens her mouth. In our society women are condemned to live a lesser life irrespective of what they manage to achieve, the families they are born in, the hurdles they manage to cross, what they earn. Almost each convention, each ritual, each ceremony, even the blessings of the elders reek of male chauvinism. This is no news to anyone of us. Maybe some of us overlook this for the sake of convenience, or maybe because we are afraid of ourselves that an open acceptance could cause us to revolt. Whatever it is, we have all chosen to ignore it.

Let me exemplify by taking the case of blessings our elders shower on any auspicious occasion- for men it is usually jug jug jiyo (may you have a long life). In contrast to this, consider sada suhagin raho (this one simply translates into- may you depart from this world before your husband!), bhagwan jaldi pote ka muh dikha de (may God save you from giving birth to a liability called daughter). For the record I have never seen anyone in my entire life suggesting a groom that may his wife outlive him.

It is customary to demand sweets from friends and relatives when a son is born to them. The birth of a girl brings no such compulsion. Because everyone knows that deep inside, that most probably the family is worried upon the arrival of the girl child. I know big families, which are big only for the reason that they were eager to have at least one son. I am sure you too must have heard or seen them or maybe are a part of such family. When the family is poor or even lower middle class, the arrival of the girl means that now each family member must limit his wishes, dreams and desires, they all go into saving mode, because when the girl gets married, they'll have to bear the mother of all expenses- her marriage.

Not just marriage, it is difficult to bring up a girl too. It requires constant vigil and grooming. Parents are often strict and worried for their growing girls. This attitude manifests itself as stress and low esteem in girls. No I'm not blaming or criticizing parents, for if someone abuses a girl, the abuser seldom gets punished for the act, even if he gets punished, he very easily is accepted back in the society. But things are different for the victim, for she is a girl. Such an episode in her life might effectively mean that she is no longer allowed to go out of her home, no longer a normal life and social stigma that could lead to difficulties in getting married too.

What I just wrote is known to all of us, nobody would ever label any one of these factors as being directly responsible for female foeticide. But these and in-numerous other factors like this are for sure responsible. We as a society, as a group have committed a grave mistake by encouraging these trends. We did not realise (and have not yet realised) the moment when this blind following of trends pressurised us to such an extent that we turned into a society of foetus murderers. The time has come that we rightly realize that things have now come to such a pass that now prospective parents prefer to do away with the girl herself rather than to risk bringing her in this world and make her suffer the social injustice, and to suffer along with her. Probably this is euthanasia in disguise!

Making a sense out of Census 2011

The Census 2011 dispels many myths that generally cloud our minds. One of the big ones is that foeticide is common in economically and socially weak section of the society. That the well read, elite, sophisticated class is way above this barbaric practice. Economically prosperous agrarian states like Haryana and Punjab lead the pack of states where sex ratio is skewed. From this one may conclude that is not just lack of means to bring up a girl child that influences the decision of the prospective parents.

Biology says that as human species is of mammals, who carry their offsprings inside their bodies before giving birth for a fixed time, humans are bound to be attached to their babies, feel protective towards them and care for them. But in India statistics are saying that 6,00,000 girls are missing being born every year, not a small number by any means, not a coincidence or accident, we all know. Well something in our country must have gone utterly wrong which caused biology not to tally with statistics. Many states which were gender neutral till the last decade have also picked up the worrying trends.

Our Daughters are Missing.... in large numbers...

The latest census for the decade 2001-2011 shows that the gap between the number of girls per 1,000 boys up to the age of six has widened to 914. A decade ago, for every 1000 boys, 927 girls managed to see the world. I am just one of the commoners who feel sad on seeing the figures, wonder how can people even think of killing their own baby and who failing to understand the whole phenomena, just move on with their busy lives. Of late however, the stress caused due to the fact mentioned in the first line is just refusing to leave me. At times I also wonder how come in India where basic amenities including health facilities are so difficult to access, people are having such easy access to means of foeticide.

Off late media is airing emotional advertisements, where the female foetus is shown talking to the parents, requesting to be let into this world. I wonder if the prospective parents who choose to abort their child do not feel these emotions otherwise. I'm not entering into a blame game, nor am I trying to shield the parents. But the reason I am writing this blog is to get into the real reason which forces the parents to act like this. On watching the awareness programmes and advertisements targeting such people, I felt that the real point is being missed. No amount of emotional messages, no stricter law, no punishment could have an effect if the real problem is not addressed.